“Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool you least expect it, there will be fish.” ~Ovid
February 6, 2010
Song for your ears:
Chance, don’t we all use this word so freely?’ Take a chance’,’ we met by chance’, ‘this fate all seems by chance’… I can think to myself how many times I have thought of this word and how it pertained to some instance in my life, both for the good and for the bad. Chance is a word that maybe we believe is an ultimate deviation from what is planned. I would say that most times in my life something I considered chance, was often just the opposite. It was a direct result of some action or decision I made, whether I consciously realized it or not. The only time chance really exists is when we consciously decide to take a risk.
There is no chance when we meet a certain circumstance in life because we chose it. The chance that people should consider is taking a chance in losing part of yourself for the benefit of others. Relying on people is sometimes hard, especially when we are used to not having to be surrounded by anyone other than our immediate loved ones. Life as an independent person can be quite easy, it is hard to let others help. I think about how I used to hate doing group projects, I was more of the person who like things to be done in a specific way and I found it hard to not feel disappointed by others not fulfilling my expectation I had for them. Expectations are not fair when we take a chance on people. Yes, you are vulnerable when you put yourself in a place where you give up control, but part of life is allowing others to prove to you they can be trusted in completing a task and or handling your love. As I have matured I have realized life isn’t very fun on your own, just as I love to help others, others do love to return these favors themselves. I have found from experience that it is extremely rewarding when I don’t do things by myself versus giving others their chance to shine.
Life is a series of events that are simply determined and fulfilled by the risks we take. These “risks” are the chance we need to create change for ourselves and others. There is much fear involved in trying something new. Creating something that people don’t view as “normal,” for example, where would we be without some of the great inventors of our time who took a chance on their innovative ideas. The bigger risks we take in like, the bigger the reward that potentially awaits us. The same speaks true for chances, it is like Newton’s Laws of Motion. ‘Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.’ Perhaps I am optimistic when I say we always gain from risks, but this only rings true for ones in the emotional context. If we go “all in” in a game of poker, we may lose all of our money, and we really can’t gain much if we look at like from that context. You either have money or you don’t, in poker the only gain or loss is money. Life however, can be a poker game which involves many more rewards, and the chance for many more loses. It is easier to gamble on concrete things like money, that you either have or you don’t. However, it is a hard and complex gamble when you think about doing it for love.
The greatest chance in life is to love others and let others love in return. No person is alike, each of us have been molded by a series of different people and events we have taken chances on. In order for us to be fair to both ourselves and others, each person must be treated as a clean slate, a “new hand” in poker sense. If people have failed you in the past and made you “lose” all your chips, it cannot be concluded that the next person or “hand” will do the same. It never gets easier to love someone new, it is always scary to think about the loses we may meet when we give of ourselves to new people. As you begin to build a large foundation of relationships and friendships in life, you will find that giving people a piece of your heart is not as scary. Imagine if instead of playing one poker game with one person you were able to play multiple games simultaneously. Some relationships might cause loss, but at the same time there are still ones that are causing you to gain, therefore that loss is not as harmful to your existence in the “game.”
There is logic involved in taking a risk, do not forget that. As they say, “know when to hold them, and know when to fold them.” Going all in every “hand” is simply not logical. Yet keeping an open mind or your as Ovid reminds us, “hook” always in the water, you always give yourself a chance to get something. My logic in “texas hold’em poker” in regards to life, is always wait until you see the flop, because there is always a shot in the dark you will catch a good set of cards. Also to remember there is always a “river” card waiting with a huge reward, play logical and you will win the pot, play illogical and you will lose it all. If your not a poker player this may not be easy to understand, but what it really parallels the idea that when you play in the game of love you can’t simply judge until you have given chances to others, for them to show you they are worth the risk. Also, if you fold your hand in love too early, you may miss the last card drawn that makes you hit the jack-pot. Love is a gamble, love is taking a chance, but make your decisions on more than just reading the picture or number on your cards.
Risk nothing…lose nothing, Risk ALL…potentially gain more than you ever expected. Take a chance on others and more importantly take a chance on love…
“In three words, I can sum up everything I have learned about life: It Goes On.” Robert Frost
February 5, 2010
Click below for the tunage of the day:
Nevershoutnever!- What is Love
Everyone at one point in their life has lost something or someone. We all can feel that when we lose a person or a thing that we have some form of attachment too, both large and small we can physically feel the absence of it. At first there usually is not a minute that seems to pass without us being able to think of what we have just lost. If it is a considerably large loss the thought of not having it consumes every part of our consciousness. We may try to watch TV, or read a book, listen to music, go out with friends, do something to get our minds off of it, yet when we lay our heads down for rest. I would state that most of the most treasured losses we may ever have to overcome losing are relationships with others. No form of materialism will ever hurt our heart more than losing someone we love.
Relationships are a complicated thing. What possibly can go so wrong that as the “end” draws near people seem to get short, impatient, and perhaps mean. Or maybe it is the opposite in other cases, people seem to close of, are never around, do not wish to speak or really do anything. I think the largest lesson that can be learned about a relationship is it takes time. It takes a LONG time actually. One of the best ways to know whether you have a strong relationship with someone is distance. How well does the relationship work when you are constantly with each other? What you learn through distance, is the lesson that life goes on. No matter who we choose to love, the sun will rise and the sun will set whether we are with them or not. I have learned so much about myself and about the ones I love through distancing myself from them. If we never release from the stimulus, eventually we will exhaust it beyond repair. Eventually all people and all relationships need a “re-charge” need that separation, in order for there to be life. What I would recommend people not do, is walk away and let life go on without someone they have once loved. Perhaps we do not physically need to speak or see the person, but they were at one point essential to us and no matter the case they cannot be erased and shouldn’t have to be. Be reminded of the person you have become because of them, even if their actions were harmful, don’t just shut them off and ignore that they ever exited in your life. To give up completely, simply because a person has maybe lost their excitement to you is not a wise decision.In life we all have cycles of ups and downs, perhaps if we are feeling the need to go on without a person than it is time for a little bit of distance. Space gives us time to grow, recollect ourselves, as well as re-evaluate what we essentially are missing. Maybe it is not the other person that is missing something, but really ourselves.
Life will always go on, this is a great gift do not be fooled. When we are the ones left it does not feel like a good thing, however, be reminded that those that have moved on without you will one day walk a mile in your shoes and also be left by someone. I still think forgiveness is the heart of going on, even when people have hurt us beyond repair. Though someone hurts you they actually give you a fresh layer of skin, they actually kill a part to you that perhaps was not who you really were. They give you a chance to become and feel better. If you want life to go on, you need to learn the art of forgiveness, even when people do not say they are sorry.
Friendship is another key part to your life going on after you have lost someone. Friends give you the gift of laughter, or the gift of unconditional support that can help you not ignore your hurt, but embrace the power in overcoming it. Be patient with those that are left there with you and want to help you go on, and on the other hand be a patient friend if you are the one helping someone get over their loss. It is not a quick process, healing can take years when done the right way. Reflect with each other, support one another, and love one another as true friendship grows when two people journey down the path of healing from loss. Is it not truth, that those who are our best friends have seen us at our worse? Those who have held our hands or called us in the middle of the night as we were crying out eyes out, are the ones that truly understand the people we have become. Friends watch you shed that layer of skin, they watch you blossom, and they cheer you on the entire way. Be reminded that BOTH people will need each other for these moments of loss. BOTH will shed many skins, and it is the truth to say that true friends stick around to watch and enhance your evolution.
Loss is like holding your breath for as long as you can, eventually you will have to exhale and take another breath. Whether you want to take that next gulp of air or not, your body will force you to breath. If you are feeling the heart of your loss now, perhaps it is a good day to go outside, take that breath of fresh air and shed that old skin, start today as a new. Maybe, you are feeling the benefits of healing from hurt and you cannot see sadness in any part of life, just remember you will walk in the shoes of loss again, do not forget about the people who will be there to lift you up, keep them close during this time and for the rest of your life. Lastly, you may have never felt hurt or loss, and this worries me the most. It is normal to feel sad and have to heal, it helps us cope with greater losses down the road. I would advise those that have never felt the loss of another, to love more freely, give more openly, and take a risk. Even if you lose in the game of love you always gain something better.
Song of my Day (click to hear):
If that doesn’t work try this one for the full version:
It is often in life that we are searching for an answer, searching for control, searching for one significant person, place, or thing that gives us predictability and comfort… ultimately something or someone who takes the stress of curiosity out of life. When we reflect and think back to specific people or places that have excited, or enticed our senses in new ways, it should be easy to conclude that there was some form of curiosity involved in that process. For example, when we are first interested in seeking out another for a potential friendship or relationship, don’t we get excited, don’t we feel nervous, don’t we wonder what they think about us? It is small, perhaps silly, but more exciting. If we travel to a new place or country, isn’t it true that the colors seem more vibrant, the trees seem more alive than where we live on a day-to-day basis, the air seems fresher more exhilarating… once again it is directly related to the idea of curiosity. New places are the hiding places for new memories, new stories, new beauties we haven’t experienced yet, taking those journeys to new places is part of what life is all about.
Life as a “daring” adventure doesn’t mean that we must partake in exciting and thrilling activities like skydiving or cliff jumping, in fact these activities though thrilling are short adrenaline highs that may distract us from the bigger picture of life’s thrills. Waking up in the morning before the sun has risen, before anyone in the world appears to be awake is a time that you may understand the thrill of life. The true excitement lies in small moments where curiosity tickles your mind. Life is essentially a bundle of small moments… most of these moments are usually wished away. Think of our moments at work or our moments doing things we find uneventful, routine, and predictable. If we live each day in this fashion, that is perhaps why we choose the cheap high route on the weekends with massive amounts of alcohol and or other cheap highs. Finding outlets to constantly entice your curiosity will enhance day-to-day living.
Today, tomorrow, or anytime find a way to think about something you may have never thought about before, or reach out to someone you love in a new way. Make others and yourself reap the benefit of something unpredictable. Little moments that deviate from the normal routine can give us some of the most heart warming and joyous feelings. If we don’t see life and people as an adventure than what are we really experiencing? Be reminded by the words of Helen Keller, even though we may think we are secure in this life, nothing is ever promised. We can control for so little and in that attempt of control we sometimes neglect to enjoy life’s opportunities to experience new things. There is nothing to lose with trying something new, even as small as a new restaurant. You cannot find anything you enjoy if you never try. We always have our comfortable habits to fall back on, they are our safe net, so essentially we have nothing to lose in trying something new today.
Today as I begin reflecting on life, I am reminded by the words of Martin Luther King Jr. My life has always been and will always be dedicated to serving the good of others. If we cannot begin to reach outside of our own individual worlds and satiate the needs of not only loved ones, but strangers, than what true purpose are we serving to this world. Some people dedicate their lives to service to their families, their churches, their professions, or some other affiliated group. I would argue that these are all good starting points for helping create change in a positive manner, but it is only the beginning of what the greater picture must hold for our service. Changing humanity is something most individuals cannot see as being possible. If it was not possible than people like Martin Luther King Jr. would not be remembered. The word and actions of one can create more change in their lifespan than necessary to better this world.
The truth is society these days is much harder to reach. Not physically reach, as in a technological perspective with cell phones, emails, tv, blogs, travel, etc., but emotionally. The business and hectic-ness of life in this era makes it hard to make people think about the bigger picture of life. Ipods, podcasts, Blackberrys… our world is simply always busy or distracted by some form of technology. There is no answer on how to change this, but what I have found is that one relationship at a time can create a change in the way a person views the world. Is it time-consuming to develop relationships with others that are of substance, yes! Is it difficult to balance and maintain relationships where many people are then dependent on your words and actions, yes! But is it rewarding? Yes! In creating relationships you give yourself the true gift of what life is about. As you reflect looking back on your life, you will either see a life filled with events and milestones, or you will recollect a life filled with so many people that you have come to love. People may not stay in your life physically forever, but they are defiantly carried with you always. Create new friends, go new places, have new conversations. Not only is it a gift to yourself, but a gift to those you come in contact with. We learn vicarously through others about ourselves, so the true essence of discovering ourselfis waiting in the relationships we make. You may sacrifice time in caring for others, but it is never time wasted, and ultimatley is the time needed to make this world a better place.
As I journey down my path in life, I try to create change on many levels, I am some what of a multi tasker. In my attempt to make the world a better place, I choose a life that is not traditional. A life where I do not have a comfortable path laid out for my future waiting for me. Each person, each event, changes not only the person I am, but the way I live my life.
My message for today is simply invest in others. Invest in making a difference through your passions in life. Share yourself and let others share of themselves. It was not long ago that Martin Luther King Jr. spoke these words, and they should echo in everyone’s minds today. Today, tomorrow, whenever you decide…take a chance on someone and give them the gift of friendship in this large somewhat chaotic world. Changing one individual is the beginning of a domino affect, you do not know how they in turn will carry your gift of love to others.
Meghan A. Phillips Blog 